Modern Australian
Men's Weekly

.

Right-swipes and red flags – how young people negotiate sex and safety on dating apps

  • Written by Kath Albury, Professor of Media and Communication, Faculty of Health, Arts and Design, Swinburne University of Technology

Popular commentary on dating apps often associates their use with “risky” sex, harassment and poor mental health. But anyone who has used a dating app knows there’s much more to it than that.

Our new research shows dating apps can improve young people’s social connections, friendships and intimate relationships. But they can also be a source of frustration, rejection and exclusion.

Our study is the first to invite app users of diverse genders and sexualities to share their experiences of app use, safety and well-being. The project combined an online survey with interviews and creative workshops in urban and regional New South Wales with 18 to 35 year olds.

While dating apps were used to meet people for sex and long-term relationships, they were more commonly used to “relieve boredom” and for “chat”.

The most popular apps used were Tinder (among LGBTQ+ women, straight women and men), Grindr (LGBTQ+ men), OK Cupid (for non-binary participants), and Bumble (straight women).

Right-swipes and red flags – how young people negotiate sex and safety on dating apps Dating apps are commonly used to relieve boredom and for chat. Oleg Ivanov/Unsplash

We found that while app users recognised the risks of dating apps, they also had a range of strategies to help them feel safer and manage their well-being – including negotiating consent and safe sex.

Safe sex and consent

The majority of survey participants frequently used condoms for safe sex. Over 90% of straight men and women frequently used condoms.

Just over one-third of gay, bisexual and queer men frequently used PreP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) to prevent HIV transmission.

Read more: Is Truvada (PrEP) the game-changer that will end new HIV transmissions in Australia?

Half (50.8%) of straight people said they never or rarely discussed safe sex with potential partners on dating/hook-up apps. Around 70% of LGBTQ+ participants had those conversations to some extent.

Amber (22, bisexual, female, regional) said she was “always the one that has to initiate a sex talk over messages”. She used chat to discuss what she liked, to assert her need for condom use, to give an account of her own sexual health, and to feel “safer”.

Some gay and bisexual men’s apps – such as Grindr and Scruff – allow for some negotiation around sexual health and sexual practices within the profile. Users can share HIV status, treatment regimes, and “date last tested”, as well as stating their preferred sexual activities.

Red flags

Many participants discussed their practices of reading a profile for “red flags”, or warning signs that their physical or emotional safety might be at risk. Red flags included lack of information, unclear photos, and profile text that indicated sexism, racism, and other undesirable qualities.

Right-swipes and red flags – how young people negotiate sex and safety on dating apps Unclear photos can be a red flag on dating apps. Daria Nepriakhina/Unsplash

Apps that require a mutual match before messaging (where both parties swipe right) were perceived to filter out a lot of unwanted interaction.

Many participants felt that red flags were more likely to appear in chat rather than in user profiles. These included pushiness and possessiveness, or messages and pictures that were too sexual, too soon.

Read more: Love, lust and digital dating: Men on the Bumble dating app aren't ready for the Queen bee

Charles (34, gay/queer, male, urban), for example, defined red flags as:

nude photos completely unsolicited or the first message that I get from you is just five pictures of your dick. I would think that’s a straight up signal that you’re not going to respect my boundaries […] So I’m not going to have an opportunity to say no to you if we meet in real life.

Negotiating consent

Consent emerged as a key concern across all areas of the study. Participants generally felt safer when they were able to explicitly negotiate the kinds of sexual contact they wanted – or didn’t want – with a prospective partner.

Read more: Yes means yes: moving to a different model of consent for sexual interactions

Of 382 survey participants, female respondents (of all sexualities) were 3.6 times more likely to want to see app-based information about sexual consent than male participants.

Amber, 22, recommended negotiating consent and safe sex via chat:

It’s a fun conversation. It doesn’t have to be sexting, it doesn’t have to be super sexy […] I just wish it was easier just to discuss sex in a non-sexual way. Most of the girls that are my friends, they’re like, “it’s way too awkward, I don’t talk about sex with a guy”, not even when they’re having sex.

Right-swipes and red flags – how young people negotiate sex and safety on dating apps App users feel safer when they’re explicitly able to negotiate what they want and don’t want. Unsplash/AllGo - An App For Plus Size People

However, others worried that sexual negotiations in chat, for example on the topic of STIs, could “ruin the moment” or foreclose consent options, ruling out the possibility that they might change their mind.

Chelsea (19, bisexual, female, regional) noted:

Am I going, “okay so at 12 o'clock we’re going to do this” and then what if I don’t want to?

Safety precautions

When it came to meeting up, women, non-binary people and men who had sex with men described safety strategies that involved sharing their location with friends.

Ruby (29, bisexual, female, urban) had an online group chat with friends where they would share details of who they were meeting with, and others described telling female family members where they planned to be.

Anna (29, lesbian, female, regional) described an arrangement she had with her friends for getting out of bad dates:

If at any point I send them a message about sport, they know that shit is going down […] So if I send them a message like, “How is the football going?” they know to call me.

While all participants described “ideal” safety precautions, they did not always follow them. Rachel (20, straight, female, regional) installed an app for telling friends when you expect to be home, but then deleted it.

Amber said:

I tell my friends to only meet up in public even though I don’t follow that rule.

Managing disappointment

For many participants, dating apps provided a space for pleasure, play, connecting with community or meeting new people. For others, app use could be stressful or frustrating.

Rebecca (23, lesbian, female, regional) noted that apps:

definitely can send someone into a deep depression as well as an ego boost. If you’ve been on the app and had little to no matches or no success, you begin to question yourself.

Henry (24, straight male, urban) felt that many straight men experienced apps as a space of “scarcity” in contrast to “an abundance of choice” for women.

Right-swipes and red flags – how young people negotiate sex and safety on dating apps Dating apps can be stressful and frustrating. Kari Shea/Unsplash

Regina (35, straight, female, regional) suggested that app users who felt unsuccessful were likely to keep this to themselves, further increasing feelings of isolation:

I think when people are having a hard time with the apps they are quite private about it. They’ll only share with friends who they know are regular or current users and might disclose their use – even bordering on addiction to swiping – in a sensitive moment.

Read more: Dating apps make men unhappy and provide a platform for racism

Participants shared a range of personal strategies for managing the distress associated with app use including taking time out, deleting apps, turning off “push” notifications and limiting time spent on apps.

While most participants welcomed more attention to apps among health professionals and public health agencies, they cautioned them against defining apps as “risky” spaces for sex and relationships.

As Jolene (27, queer, female, urban) said:

app dating is just part of regular dating life and therefore health promotion should fully integrate it into their campaigns, rather than it be something niche or different.

Authors: Kath Albury, Professor of Media and Communication, Faculty of Health, Arts and Design, Swinburne University of Technology

Read more http://theconversation.com/right-swipes-and-red-flags-how-young-people-negotiate-sex-and-safety-on-dating-apps-128390

How To Keep Vase Flowers Fresh Through Australia’s Coldest Months

Winter flowers develop slowly, which gives them stronger structure and longer vase life Heat from indoor environments is the biggest threat to th...

Artificial Intelligence is Powering the Growth of Australian Telehealth Services

Many Australians have traditionally experienced difficulties in accessing timely and quality healthcare, especially those who live in rural or remot...

Powering Shepparton’s Businesses: Expert Commercial Electrical Services You Can Count On

When it comes to running a successful business, having reliable, compliant, and efficient electrical systems is non-negotiable. From small retail ou...

Maximise Efficiency: Cleaner Solar Panels for Optimal Performance

Solar panels are a smart investment in energy efficiency, sustainability, and long-term savings—especially here in Cairns, where the tropical sun ...

7 Common Air Conditioner Issues in Melbourne – And How to Fix Them

Image by freepik Living in Melbourne, we all know how unpredictable the weather can be. One moment it’s cold and windy, the next it’s a scorchin...

Powering Palm QLD with Reliable Electrical Solutions

Image by pvproductions on Freepik When it comes to finding a trustworthy electrician Palm QLD locals can count on, the team at East Coast Sparkies s...

The Smart Way to Grow Online: SEO Management Sydney Businesses Can Rely On

If you’re a Sydney-based business owner, you already know the digital space is crowded. But with the right strategy, you don’t need to shout the...

What Your Car Says About You: The Personality Behind the Vehicle

You can tell a lot about someone by the car they drive—or at least, that’s what people think. True Blue Mobile Mechanics reckon the car says a l...

The Confidence Curve: Why Boudoir Photography Is the Empowerment Trend You Didn’t Know You Needed

Boudoir photography has been quietly taking over social feeds, Pinterest boards, and personal milestones—and for good reason. It’s not just abou...

Understanding Level 2 Electricians: Why Sydney Residents Need Licenced Experts for Complex Electrical Work

When it comes to electrical work around the home or business, not all electricians are created equal. In Sydney, particularly when you're dealing wi...

Retirement Anchored in Model Boat Building for Waterford’s Doug Unsold

WATERFORD — When Doug Unsold sees his ship come in, it’s usually one he’s crafted with his own hands. The 67-year-old retiree from Waterford ...

The Science Behind Alarm Clocks and Your Circadian Rhythm

Waking up on time isn’t just about setting an alarm—it’s about working with your body, not against it. At the heart of every restful night and...

How to Use Plants to Create a Calming Atmosphere in Your Home

In today’s fast-paced world, cultivating a calm, soothing environment at home has never been more important. Whether you live in a busy urban apar...

How Maths Tutoring Can Help Students Master Maths

Mathematics can be a daunting subject for many students, often causing stress and frustration. However, maths tutoring has proven to be an effective...

Refurbished iPads Are Better Than New Ones (Here's Why)

Image by rawpixel.com on Freepik Apple's refurbished iPad program has quietly become one of the best deals in tech. While everyone obsesses over the ...

Your Guide to Finding the Right GP: What Perth City Doctors Offer Today

Choosing a General Practitioner (GP) is one of the most important health decisions you’ll make. Luckily, Perth’s vibrant CBD now hosts a new ge...

Why Every Mining Operation Needs a Robust Safety Management System

Mining is one of the backbones of the Australian economy, particularly in Western Australia. Back in 2019-20, mining contributed 10.4% of Australia...

Australian Classic Literature Enjoys Resurgence

Welcome back to the good old days of storytelling! As the modern world becomes increasingly more demanding, returning to childhood favourites offers...