Separated men are nearly 5 times more likely to take their lives than married men

Breakups hurt. Emotional and psychological distress are common when intimate relationships break down. For some people, this distress can be so overwhelming that it leads to suicidal thoughts and behaviours.

This problem seems especially the case for men. Intimate partner problems including breakups, separation and divorce feature in the paths to suicide among one in three Australian men aged 25 to 44 who end their lives.

Men account for three in every four suicides in many nations worldwide, including Australia. So improving our understanding of links between relationship breakdown and men’s suicide risk has life-saving potential.

Our research, published today, is the first large-scale review of the evidence to focus on understanding men’s risk of suicide after a breakup. We found separated men were nearly five times more likely to die by suicide compared to married men.

What did we find?

We brought together findings from 75 studies across 30 countries worldwide, involving more than 106 million men.

We focused on understanding why relationship breakdown can lead to suicide in men, and which men are most at risk. We might not be able to prevent breakups from happening, but we can promote healthy adjustment to the stress of relationship breakdown to try and prevent suicide.

Overall, we found divorced men were 2.8 times more likely to take their lives than married men.

For separated men, the risk was much higher. We found that separated men were 4.8 times more likely to die by suicide than married men.

Most strikingly, we found separated men under 35 years of age had nearly nine times greater odds of suicide than married men of the same age.

The short-term period after relationship breakdown therefore appears particularly risky for men’s mental health.

What are these men feeling?

Some men’s difficulties regulating the intense emotional stress of relationship breakdown can play a role in their suicide risk. For some men, the emotional pain tied to separation – deep sadness, shame, guilt, anxiety and loss – can be so intense it feels never-ending.

Many men are raised in a culture of masculinity that often encourages them to suppress or withdraw from their emotions in times of intense stress.

Some men also experience difficulties understanding or interpreting their emotions, which can create challenges in knowing how to respond to them.

Overall, our research found relationship breakdown may lead to suicide for some men because of the complex interaction between the individual (emotional distress) and interpersonal (changes in their social network and availability of support) impacts of a breakup.

Many of these impacts don’t seem to feature in the paths to suicide after a breakup for women in the same way.

Breakups also impact social networks

As intimate relationships become more serious, we tend to spend less time investing in our friendships, especially if juggling the demands of a career and family.

Many men, especially in heterosexual relationships, rely on their intimate partner as a primary source of social and emotional support – often at the expense of connections outside their relationship.

This can create a risky situation if relationships break down, as it seems many men are left with little support to turn to. This rang true in our research, as men’s social disconnection and loneliness seemed to increase their suicide risk following relationship breakdown.

We also know people can struggle to know how to support men after a breakup. Research has found some men who ask for support are told to just “get back on the horse”. Such a response invalidates men’s pain and reinforces masculine stereotypes that relationship breakdown doesn’t affect them.

So, what can we do?

There is no simple answer to preventing suicide following relationship breakdown, but a range of opportunities exist.

We can intervene early, by educating young people with the skills to end relationships healthily, handle rejection and regulate the difficult emotions of a breakup.

We can embed support groups and other opportunities for connection and peer support in relationship services that are regularly in contact with those navigating separation, to help combat loneliness.

We can ensure mental health practitioners are equipped with the skills necessary to engage and respond effectively to men who seek help following a breakup, to help keep them safe until they can get back on their feet.

Most importantly, if men come to any of us seeking support after a breakup, we can remember that time is often a great healer. The best we can do is sit with men in their pain, rather than try and get them to stop feeling it. This connection could be life-saving.

Support and information is available at Relationships Australia and MensLine Australia. If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.