How do I know if my kid is worrying about food and their body too much? And what should I say?

Eating disorders are most likely to develop in young people aged between 12 and 25.

But parents and other close adults can miss the early warning signs. For example, you might notice your child doing more exercise or choosing healthier foods and see these behaviours as normal or even positive.

Eating disorders are serious mental health conditions characterised by a persistent, unhealthy relationship with food, eating and body image. They include anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge eating disorder, and all are linked to a higher risk of dying early.

Eating disorders and disordered eating – which means problematic behaviours around food, without a diagnosed disorder – are on the rise among young people. Those who are LBTQIA+ are at a particularly high risk.

We know noticing and intervening early are key to stopping them developing.

So, how can you tell if your kid is developing an unhealthy relationship with their body and food?

Here’s what to look out for, and what to do if you’re worried.

7 early warning signs to watch out for

Research has identified some of the most common early warning signs of eating disorders in children. Any one of these is cause for concern.

1. They exercise too much, or can’t seem to stop

This means exercise beyond physical activity guidelines for young people. Your child may want to exercise even when injured, or may retreat to their bedroom to exercise secretly. They may be unable to sit still, jiggling body parts to use up calories.

2. They keep losing weight

Young people should be increasing in weight as they grow in height, unless medically supervised otherwise. This supports optimal development of major body organs, including the brain. But parents often miss these physical changes, as young people can become very skilled at hiding weight loss by wearing multiple layers or baggy clothes.

Read more: 5 reasons we shouldn’t ‘compliment’ people who lose weight

3. They become obsessed with food and food preparation

You might notice your child spending more time talking about food and eating, wanting to know what is in every meal so they can count calories, and seeking reassurance about how much they’ve eaten.

4. They cut out major food groups

“Clean” eating and veganism can be popular among young people. But dieting is a strong risk factor for developing an eating disorder. You may notice your child increasingly restricts their diet or is often distressed about what is an “acceptable” food to eat.

5. They become secretive around food

Does your child always find a reason to avoid eating with other people? Does a lot of food go missing from the pantry? Having dinner as a family is a protective factor – it normalises eating and helps you see what and how your child eats. This can also be why your child wants to avoid it. This is why eating regularly together is often an important component of recovery.

6. They become worried about body image, weight, shape and size

Occasional negative comments about appearance are relatively normal in adolescence, and need to be handled with care. But problems can emerge where your child makes frequent and sustained negative remarks about their body weight and/or shape.

7. They develop rituals and rules around eating

This could look like cutting food into tiny pieces, or having to eat food in a certain order or use the same crockery or cutlery every time. When rituals are disrupted, the child becomes distressed.

What you can do if you’re worried

Trust your gut

Know what to look for and act quickly if you’re concerned. The Feed Your Instinct website helps you document what you’ve observed before discussing your concerns with your child or GP. You can call The Butterfly Foundation on 1800 334 673 or chat online for non-judgmental advice. Then, get your GP involved.

Start a compassionate conversation

Gently express concern, without judgement. You might try:

You haven’t seemed yourself lately. Is everything OK?

You’ve lost a lot of weight. I’m worried about you.

Acknowledge the challenges and offer unconditional love and support. Anxiety is a major driving force of many eating disorders. Let your child know you care deeply about them and that you’re there to help and act in their best interest.

Be prepared for denial or resistance

Stay calm and be patient. It might take time for your child to acknowledge the issue. You may need to get them treatment, regardless of how willing they are.

Don’t hope it will just go away

Starvation in a young brain can cause rapid and catastrophic physical deterioration. It can lead to a vicious cycle of depression and black-and-white thinking that locks in disordered eating.

Being proactive and intervening early is key and can help avoid physical and mental health issues down the track.

In Australia, if you or someone you love is experiencing difficulties related to food and body image, you can contact the Butterfly Foundation’s national helpline on 1800 33 4673 (or via their online chat).

For parents concerned their child might be developing concerning relationships with food, weight and body image, Feed Your Instinct highlights common warning signs, provides useful information about help seeking and can generate a personalised report to take to a health professional.