Uh oh, my child just discovered the truth about Santa

Christmas can be a magical time of year for kids. Writing wish-lists, seeing Santa at the shops, leaving carrots for the reindeer out on the porch. And then of course, the presents under the tree.

So what happens when the penny drops and a child realises the guy who brings toys in a sleigh is not real? Perhaps an older sibling, friend or even a parent breaks the news. Perhaps the child works things out for themselves.

This can lead to some big feelings – sadness, disappointment, perhaps even betrayal. How can you work through this?

Believing in Santa is OK

Research shows us magical thinking – such as believing in Santa – supports many components of social and emotional development.

This includes imaginative play and creativity.

Research tells us children who are able pretend play are more socially competent with peers and able to engage in classroom activity. These playful experiences boost language, empathy and self-control.

Between ages three and eight, kids start to tell fantasy apart from reality, but believing in Santa during this time still helps them enjoy healthy pretend play.

Believing in Santa can also support language development – writing letters or talking to him at the shops. And it introduces moral lessons, as Santa (in theory) rewards good behaviour.

But not believing in Santa is equally OK!

Not believing in Santa is also a normal developmental milestone.

Children typically learn the truth at about seven years of age. Some kids experience brief sadness or betrayal.

Despite this, research shows most children maintain trust in their parents and the disappointment over Santa is mild and fairly short-lived. Some children may even experience relief if the story just wasn’t adding up for them.

It’s normal for kids to be disappointed

Disappointment is a healthy emotion that teaches coping skills and emotional resilience.

Remember, disappointment triggers emotional responses before logical thinking. This can make the initial experience feel intense.

This means a child may be upset when their older brother says, “Santa’s just Mum and Dad”. But they will then quickly get over it. This may of course be helped when they realise the presents still come on Christmas Day.

What can parents do?

Children who learn gradually about the reality of Santa are less upset than those told abruptly. This may not be possible if an older sibling is around.

If your child is upset, validate their feelings – “I know this is disappointing” – and then shift the focus to other positive values like gratitude or giving. For example, “how would you like to surprise Nanna with one of your special drawings to show her how much you love her?”

Does Santa make kids behave?

Research also suggests belief in Santa alone does not prompt good behaviour from kids at Christmas. But enjoying wider festive traditions can make some difference between children being “naughty” or “nice”.

Parents, not Santa, are the real influence on children’s behaviour. When adults remind kids to “share your toys with your sister, Santa is watching” or “stop fighting with your brother or Santa won’t come”, it works because of the parent’s intervention not the myth alone.

Meanwhile, other rituals around Christmas, such as family gatherings or tree decorating, can encourage kindness and cooperation, because they teach children the importance of doing things for and with others.

What’s really important?

When children stop believing in Santa, parents can turn this moment into an opportunity shifting from one magical guy to meaningful family rituals and shared experiences.

So whether Santa is “real” in your house or not, involve your kids in meaningful holiday traditions such as decorating, baking, storytelling, music, family and friend gatherings and religious observance – and have yourselves a merry little Christmas.