What is the difference between a selfish lover and a master in the bedroom? According to holistic sex coach, Kim Anami, the answer may be down to masculinity. Each man possesses within him an innate sense of what it means to be masculine. However, there are different brands of this core concept. Men can either embrace the toxic or the divine.

The way that a man treats his lovers may ultimately come down to the type of masculinity to which he ascribes. In a recent episode of her podcast, Kim Anami revealed the main differences between toxic masculinity and divine masculinity. As a man, learning to harness the power of your inner strength is one of the most valuable things you can do.

Toxic masculinity equals selfish lovers

From a young age, men are taught certain negative traits, which they will have to unlearn if they want to be heroic lovers. The center of these tend to be how men handle their emotions. The stereotypical, “macho” man buries his emotions, only allowing rage to rise.

“The traits of toxic masculinity have been described as men acting tough and macho,” explains Kim Anami. “They might consider the show of emotion to be weak, with anger as the exception, that emotion is okay to show. Using domination and aggression to get their way, which can sometimes lead into violence, and indulging in destructive behaviors.”

Should a man subscribe to this type of masculinity, his poor behavior translates directly to the bedroom. This is often the men who fail to please their partners time and time again.

“Sexually speaking, these men I would say would be selfish lovers,” says Kim Anami. “They're the kind of guys who think and talk in terms of conquesting women. They're likely premature ejaculators, and good sex to them is if they have an orgasm—and it's irrelevant if anyone else does.”

The divine masculine is a master

On the other hand, we have the divine masculine. This is a man who has not absorbed the toxic messaging that society has given him. Instead, he has worked on himself to become the best version he can be. Through this unique discipline, he has become a real success.

“Sexually speaking, this man would be a generous lover,” says Kim Anami. “He's got mega stamina, [and] full control. He can be in the wildest position sexually, and he holds his own. He knows that a well-f*cked woman is his secret weapon.”

It doesn’t end there. A man who has conquered the divine will also have a high level of emotional intelligence, making him a prime protector and confidant. It should come as no surprise that women are magnetically drawn to this type of Alpha male.

“Emotionally speaking, he is in touch with his feelings. And his default isn't just anger. He can articulate and express his emotion,” says Kim Anami. I've met a lot of alpha males because that's pretty much the only men I get involved with, who have these massive c*cks and hearts. They can be strong and intimidating, but they have these big hearts.”

The Takeaway

No matter where they start, men have the chance to change the narrative. Kim Anami is set to run an eight-week salon called Sexual Mastery for Men. The salon will give men the rare opportunity to entirely transform the way that they connect with their masculinity and regain their power. Through this process, they can gain mastery over their c*ck and level up in every area of their lives.