how Violet Bridgerton is making us rethink female pleasure after 40

Viewers of Netflix’s hit series, Bridgerton (2020–) know the leading matriarch, Lady Violet Bridgerton (Ruth Gemmell), as a widowed mother dedicated to finding “love matches” for her eight children.

However, in season four’s first instalment, we watched Violet – now about 50 years old – finally navigate her own romance. In a series known for its spicy sex scenes and heated entanglements, why is Violet’s romantic arc significant?

For decades, midlife female sexuality has been portrayed on screen as nonexistent, in decline, or subject to ridicule. But following the cultural reshaping of menopause in recent years, a growing number of shows and films are helping reframe what female sexuality can look like beyond age 40.

Violet’s garden in bloom

Adapted from the historical romance novels by Julia Quinn, each season of Bridgerton focuses on one of the children’s love stories. Viewers expect episodes brimming with equal parts drama and sexual tension.

Season four’s central romance, for instance, is between Benedict Bridgerton (Luke Thompson) and lady’s maid Sophie Baek (Yerin Ha). As anticipated, part one ended on a hot and heavy cliffhanger.

And yet, fans are also invested in Violet’s storyline this season, which sees her sexuality finally brought out of the margins.

We first saw Violet’s interest in pursuing romance in the spin-off series, Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story (2023), when she awkwardly confesses to her friend, Lady Danbury, that her long-dormant libido is stirring. Using the metaphor of a garden, she explains that when her husband Edmund died, so too did her garden:

And I did not even think of the garden. I did not want the garden. But lately without warning, the garden has begun to bloom.

With the arrival of Lord Marcus Anderson (Daniel Francis) in season three, Violet’s “garden” was brought back into the conversation. And now, in season four, we find her ready to be tended to.

‘I am mature now’: an honest romance

When Violet arrives at Marcus’ home in episode three, she is determined to communicate her concerns and needs about moving towards a physical relationship.

Putting aside her anxieties, she asserts:

I am mature now. My body – well, I have had eight children with this body, and I am different now. All of me is different now. And how will that be? I want it. I want to be seen and touched. By you. [But] I am nervous.

Free of her usual metaphors and euphemisms, Violet’s honesty provides the scene with a groundedness rare to the period drama series.

When she invited Marcus over for “tea” in episode four, he finds her seductively leaning against the bed in Regency-inspired lingerie. In a now fan-favourite line, Violet explains “I am the tea that you are having”.

Written by executive producer Shonda Rhimes, this scene infuses the traditionally awkward Violet with a newfound sexual confidence. Paired with Rhimes’ direct dialogue – “I am the tea” – Violet’s empowerment is bolstered by a specific female gaze geared towards emphasising her enjoyment.

The facts of midlife sexual desire

Speaking on Bridgerton: The Official Podcast, showrunner Jess Brownell highlights how the media has historically focused on the male gaze and men’s pleasure.

With Bridgerton set during a time when women had severely limited agency, Brownell explains how crucial it is to balance the scale in terms of representation:

It’s very important in those intimacy scenes to let the women be the ones experiencing the most pleasure.

This prioritisation of the female gaze is especially critical for the representation of midlife female sexuality. With menopause traditionally tied to patriarchal notions of “decline and decay” – rather than a garden in bloom – 20th century screen media preferred that older women recede into the background.

The result of rarely seeing an older woman “yearning for sex” is that we assume it must be “far behind them”, says American scholar E. Ann Kaplan. Those who dare to desire after 40 are depicted as shameful or desperate.

In reality, studies show that post-menopausal women value sex and are still sexually active. Women over 65 do commonly report low libido, but these experiences are also found to be impacted by more than just hormonal changes. Psycho-social factors such as well-being, relationship quality, and Western ideas around youth and femininity, play a significant role in how women feel about sex at midlife and beyond.

Women of all ages are worthy of being seen

As more diverse conversations around menopause and sexuality continue within Hollywood and academia, screen media are also starting to take part. While film has room to improve, television has rapidly become the domain for bolder portrayals of midlife female sexuality.

Violet is the latest to reflect these conversations, following in the footsteps of characters such as Jean Milburn (Sex Education, 2019–23), Maud O'Hara (Rivals, 2024–), Sylvie Grateau (Emily in Paris, 2020–) and the characters of And Just Like That … (2021–25).

As 58-year-old Ruth Gemmell, who portrays Violet, argues:

People of all ages should have sex on screen. I mean, we are not dead yet.

Looking ahead to future seasons, let’s hope for more onscreen steaminess that isn’t limited to the younger cast.