Modern Australian

Yvonne Allen: How to improve your sex life in your relationship

  • Written by Tess Sanders Lazarus

These days sex seems to have become just another ‘to do’ according to relationship mentor, psychologist and matchmaker, Yvonne Allen.  “One of the biggest challenges for many couples in today’s world is finding time for romance and sexual intimacy.   Everyone is just too busy or distracted by other things!”


“Enjoying intimate time together can be the foundation of a successful relationship through the ups and downs of life.


“It helps both partners to focus on meeting each other’s needs emotionally and physically, and to affirm how important they are for each other. It not only brings a couple close together, it’s also good for their physical wellbeing and their mental health too.


“Unfortunately, many couples these days find it difficult to maintain a healthy sex life together and this is where problems can creep into the relationship.


“Alas, long days, early mornings, stress, workplace pressures and family responsibilities – can all erode our enjoyment of physical and emotional intimacy and the quality of our relationship.”


Yvonne refers to recently published results from three British national surveys of sexual attitudes and lifestyles indicating that the frequency of sex has declined in Britain, markedly among those in early middle age and those who are married or cohabitating.


“The recent national survey results from Britain reflect what is happening in Australia and in the US,” Yvonne added.  


“Yet while it seems people in a relationship are having less sex today, the number saying they would prefer to have more has increased.


“My advice if this applies is simple - do something about it!    We know sex is good for us and it’s good for our relationship.”


Yvonne has put together some tips to help people increase intimacy and sex in their relationship.


  • Communicate with your partnerand work through ideas around how you can both introduce more intimacy into the relationship.   Sometimes, just having the conversation helps to get things moving and puts you both in the same mindset to commit to doing things together.


  • Enjoy sensual pleasures together.  Touching, stroking, cuddling, holding each other can bring you closer and counter the pressures of the every day.


  • Get active and start exercising more.    Regular exercise is good for the mind and body.   It improves your heart health, increases circulation, helps to improve your body image, lifts your mood and boosts your libido.


  • Find time to take ‘time out’. Stress can have a negative impact in many ways including dulling or killing our sex drive. The list of every day ‘to dos‘, can all too often take over, leaving us with little opportunity to focus on enjoying simple pleasures.  Taking intentional time out can not only help to restore our sense of calm but also boost our physical and emotional energy.


  • Allow time in your week for enjoying the pleasures intimacy can bring.   If your life runs on a schedule, then ensure that you add sharing quality time together to your list of ‘to dos’.   This could be as simple as dining out together, preparing your partner’s favourite meal or going to see a movie and discussing it afterwards over a glass of wine or dinner in a nearby restaurant – preferably candlelit if your date is at night!


  • Say ‘I love you’ to you partner more often. Tell them how much you care and remind them with cheeky love messages.  Let them know what you love about them.  Leave ‘post it’ notes in their underwear drawer, on their pillow, or on their tooth brush – or wherever they may find them without anyone else seeing.


  • Add some spice to your sex life!   Buy some sexy nightwear, give each other a massage, order in a new sex toy, try a new position, add some fragrant oils.   Experimenting together and spoiling each other is an important way to enliven your sex life.


By making simple changes in the everyday and supporting each other through extra effort, partners can not only enjoy the pleasures of intimacy including more mutually gratifying sex, but also strengthen their relationship.


Established by Yvonne Allen in 1976, Yvonne Allen and Associates is a highly respected introduction agency that has won recognition for the professional and supportive approach it takes to assisting clients to achieve their relationship goals.  Many of its clients have business or professional occupations.  They appreciate that the consultancy does the searching and they enjoy the outcomes!

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