There are few things as painful as losing a relationship with someone you love. As a result, most of us are willing to work incredibly hard to save it. Unfortunately, these efforts alone aren't always enough. If you try to save a relationship without an actual plan or without fully addressing the issues at hand, you're unlikely to make any real progress.

If you want to repair a strained relationship, you'll have to be willing to make a lot of changes to the current relationship dynamic. While many people don't know about these essential changes, they're actually very accessible and implementable. Here are 5 secrets for repairing your broken relationship:

1. Work on Your Friendship

To reestablish the emotional connection in your relationship, you should devote time to strengthening your friendship. Friendship may seem totally separate from a romance, but it's an essential aspect of any relationship between two people. Friendship, in this case, means being a good listener, complimentary, empathetic, and doing nice things for each other.

Friendship also means spending fun quality time together. Try dedicating at least one or two evenings or afternoons a week to doing things together that you both enjoy. This could be hiking, cooking, watching movies, or anything else that brings you both happiness. This is a simple way to reconnect, but it can have a major impact if you make the effort to do it on a regular basis.

2. Don't Shut Down

No one likes having long conversations about stressful topics, but doing so is sometimes necessary to repair a relationship. This can be difficult or downright impossible if you or your partner continually shuts down and withdraws from the conversation. This can range from turning their back or pretending they're busy to physically leaving.

This is a natural defence mechanism for feeling internally overwhelmed. Unfortunately, it's going to trap you both in a cycle where you're unable to express your feelings and unable to accept criticism. That's why it's crucial to make an active effort not to shut down difficult conversations and to find ways to make the conversation more comfortable for both of you.

3. Change Critical Language

Criticising your partner can make them feel as though there's something inherently wrong with them, especially if you do so needlessly or using insensitive language. On the other hand, it's important to be communicative rather than sweeping problems under the rug. It's a difficult balance to achieve, but the key lies in the language you use.

When expressing yourself to your partner, try not to use words such as "always" or "never". Doing so unintentionally implies that your partner is upsetting you on purpose or that the problem is their character rather than an aspect of their behaviour. This tends to happen when we're frustrated in the heat of the moment. That being the case, waiting until you're in a calmer headspace to have this conversation may be for the best.

4. Keep Yourself Accountable

There are plenty of situations where one partner holds more responsibility for the relationship being fractured, especially in situations where trust has been broken. However, in the vast majority of cases, both parties have made mistakes that have damaged the relationship. It's essential to be willing to confront those mistakes and to genuinely hold yourself accountable to them.

This means not passing blame for your mistakes onto your partner, and not letting them do the same to you. Accountability also means being genuinely apologetic for your actions and actively trying not to repeat them, as opposed to just apologizing in an effort to end an argument.

5. Don't Escalate Situations

When having a conversation with your partner about your relationship issues, you should be listening to each other, expressing your feelings, and finding solutions together. This seems obvious, so why is it that so many calm conversations turn into explosive arguments that don't get you anywhere?

The reason for these fights is typically that one or both of you is trying to win. That drive to be right and for the other person to be wrong can cause feelings of defensiveness, which can then escalate situations needlessly. If you really care about repairing your broken relationship, you should be trying to work as a team, not against each other as individuals.

Consider Contacting a Psychologist

These secrets will go a long way in helping you repair your relationship. However, there are more complex situations where you and your partner may need the aid of a licenced psychologist. A psychologist that specialises in relationship repair will offer your valuable insight in identifying the problems in your relationship, where they stem from, and how to fix them. 

There's absolutely no shame in reaching out to a professional for help, especially if you're feeling unsure about what fractured your relationship in the first place.